#2: De

#2 - The Bride of the Living Dummy

[img]http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/9286/brideofthelivingdummymf0.jpg[/img]




[b]Tagline:[/b]

It's a match made in horror.



[b]Plot sypnosis[/b]

So after a long hiatus of vomiting at the steadily decreasing quality of these books, I'm back and ready for moar vomiting. Why, you ask? Read on, non-existant readers.


As our story of sibling rivalry opens, we are introduced to Jillian, whom we shall call Jill, who is at the moment concerned for the health of her pet lizard, Petey. Now, before I continue, I would like to know.. why would anyone name a lizard Petey? It makes as much sense as naming a pet dog Kitty. Anyways, continuing the good ole' asshole-siblings-and-best-friend-who-doesn't-really-care goosebumps tradition, Jill has asshole siblings and a best friend who doesn't really care. Oh wait, did I already say that? I guess I'm picking up on R.L. Stein's habits. Jill wants to grow up to be a clown, a job she is off to a very good start on due to the fact that instead of practicing comedy routines and other clownish activities, she busies herself by taking her two sisters, who are as previously mentioned a pair of assholes, to a puppet show. How does a puppet show have anything to do with clowns? Unfortunately for her, clowns have never been funny. Her friend, Harold or Howard or something(I don't remember) is supportive and encouraging-oh wait, he shows repeatedly that he doesn't give a fuck. If he was supportive and encouraging that would be original, for a goosebumps book that is. Her doll, Mary Ellen, comes to the show because you need to bring a doll which you can conveniently pair with slappy when you find him in a dumpster later on in the story. But wait! Slappy is found not in a dumpster or trash can, but in the hands of a teenage boy. At least that's slightly original. Jimmy, as we shall call him, wishes to preform a brilliant sexual act upon the doll, but slappy vocally objects to having his butt burgled and fights back by making Jimmy cry using the brilliant power of insulting his face. Katie and Amanda, wishing to join in on the fun, come on stage where Slappy unloads a metaphorical dump on them, calling them various names and expressing sexual interest in Katie ("You're a doll! *pause for laughter* but seriously, folks, you're a great audience. *rimshot*"). Katie and Amanda, angry at being rejected, decide to go back stage and confront the doll. That's right, they go to argue with a doll.




[img]http://www.nma.gov.au/shared/libraries/images/exhibitions/captivating_and_curious/large/kewpie_doll/files/11918/Kewpie%20doll%20-%20nma.img-ci20051391-038.jpg[/img]
You evil motherfucker..



Jill attempts to prevent them from talking to an inanimate object, but as we all know from watching Shirley Temple reruns, little girls are always the first to enter. Harold or Howard decides that his life's ambition is to be a rock and puts down roots in the doorway, conveniently causing Jill to get stuck in a doorway.

What follows is a 1 hour long vaudeville of incidents in which Slappy appears to be alive and finally is revealed to not be alive, but the main character awakens him by reading some words out loud. Everyone has their asses burgled and they all live inside slappy's cock ever after.